No more, "I'll know when I get there."

For a long time, Brenna and I had planned to leave Idaho, but events happened to get in the way. In 2008, we left Idaho and headed to MO, hoping the house would sell and we could find a place there. By the time we arrived in MO, the bottom had fallen out of everything. Nothing was selling and prices had drastically fallen.

While gone, we were in an accident that totalled the pickup and left Brenna with a detached retina in the left eye. That was the beginning of the spiral downhill for her.

My little girl suffered an anoxic brain injury on May 26, 2010. I planned for her to get better. I was still going to take her where she wanted to go. She had chosen a place in Honey Grove, TX to live. It was big enough for rehab equipment and I wanted to have her in a large enough space to teach her to walk again. We had dreams.

Alas, it wasn't meant to be. On October 1, 2011, my little girl died, leaving behind a broken-hearted, restless mother. Without Brenna, I just didn't want to be here. I wanted to move...some place...any place east of here. I didn't really know where I wanted to be, just somewhere but here.

I searched for homes in Oklahoma, to be centrally located in the US, to fly to anywhere I wanted to go. No matter where I contacted a realtor, nothing happened. Realtors either didn't contact me back or I believe they had another agenda on repo homes. I checked out homes in SW MO and SE Kansas. My heart just wasn't there.

Then, I found a house north of Wichita. It looked promising. I made an offer. It was accepted. Then, I took a long hard look at the rest of the photos and realized it was going to take too much money to repair. Not the $5000 estimated, but closer to $20,000 just to get it re-sided and the wiring brought up to par. I declined the offer.

What to do? I needed to be marketing Condemned to Die: Ask me how. Tell me why. I was up a stump and didn't know how to move forward with the book. I searched the Internet for an answer. It came.

I now have an excellent team working on getting me trained and knowledgeable before hitting the road in the old motorhome. I'll know how to use a smart phone and even to Twitter before I leave here. I am not that old. I can learn new things. For years, my little Brenna kept telling her mom that I could do all things. I know today she is smiling on me.

I can only say that God put this team together. I appreciate all they are doing to help me spread the word of Brenna's story, that no one else will ever have to go through the journey she traveled. I can't disclose their names to preserve their privacy, but they are doing a great job for me. Thank you so much.

I wanted out of this older home, in a neighborhood where housing is increasingly being sold to investors. But, where to go.

Yesterday, I got up and knew that I wanted to see the sun rise again. I wanted to get my future settled.

Tonight, I paced the carport for hours. Then I felt a peace come over me. I knew it would be alright with Brenna if I stayed in Idaho.

Later today, I will go look at a place, 30 years newer than this one, with a fenced in yard for Tippy. I had promised Tippy a yard. She is getting older. Time for Grammie to settle herself down and stop saying, "I'll know where home is when I get there."

The truth is, I have lived in Idaho over 40 years. This is home.  I'll start on the book tour next month. I know where I am going and I know this, I'll be back. No more saying, "I'll know where home is when I get there." Home is where the heart is. My heart is with that little girl, but I know that she would be happy for mom to settle here and reach out to happy days again.